Pedro Porro Can Defend And Other Tall Tales

We spaffed over £240 million in the first fortnight of the window but fans are already complaining about our recent inactivity. Entitled or what?

This week, we dive head first into the bizarre rumour mill:

• Kroupi: Did Bournemouth ignore our £85m bid because the email slipped into their "message requests" folder?
• Pound-Shop Semenyo? Is Rafael Leão actually all he's cracked up to be?
• Djed Spence vs. Neco Williams: Why are ITKs tipping Djed to Everton when he's busy storming the World Cup with England?
• Hands Off Our Kids: Bergvall to Villa, Mikey Moore to Dortmund? Noooo!

Plus, we examine Pedro Porro's sudden ability to defend and celebrate Richarlison officially becoming British.

We crack open Room 101 to dump coffee-drinking wives and pundits who recycle the same shit.

And we answer the ultimate question: If you had to get a Spurs tattoo, what would it be and where would you stick it?

Analysis, laughs, irreverence, therapy.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch & Lee Brown.

COYS THFC.