Welcome to Nice One Cyril!

Episodes

63
July 28, 2026

Jet Lag, Brand Growth, Nothing Learned.

New Zealand offered Spurs horizontal freezing rain and a bunch of dustbins to beat. Onwards! Australia beckons. This week, Simon Lipson is joined by Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw. We dive into: The Auckland Freeze: Why have we sent a huge squad 11,000 miles to play pointless games? Could there possibly be a financial motive? The Left-Behind Club: Kudus, Kulu, Benta, Sarr. Next season's midfield or will they some/all be off? Pre-Season Overreaction: From branding a 17-year...
62
July 22, 2026

Roberto Del Boy's Car Boot Sale

Lucas Bergvall wants out, De Zerbi is flogging off the academy like Delboy, and Spurs Twitter has officially lost its collective mind. Fresh back from France, Simon Lipson leads today's therapy session alongside Fleet Street royalty Julie Welch (bringing love, joy, and industrial-strength profanity) and Cyril newbie Suzie Barnacle. On the agenda: Bergvall's imminent departure, Thompson & Lankshear off, Savinho & Kroupi riumbling on, why our players suddenly look world-class at the World Cup, ...
61
July 14, 2026

Pedro Porro Can Defend And Other Tall Tales

We spaffed over £240 million in the first fortnight of the window but fans are already complaining about our recent inactivity. Entitled or what? This week, we dive head first into the bizarre rumour mill: Kroupi: Did Bournemouth ignore our £85m bid because the email slipped into their "message requests" folder? Pound-Shop Semenyo? Is Rafael Leão actually all he's cracked up to be? Djed Spence vs. Neco Williams: Why are ITKs tipping Djed to Everton when he's busy storming the World Cup with ...
60
July 7, 2026

'Boiling Piss' & 'We're Massive'

Spurs are currently operating like a drunk with a stolen credit card, and we are here for the chaos. From dropping £85m on a guy we only discovered was great after watching his YouTube video, to Sandro Tonali who was planning his romantic return to AC Milan before his medical.. Are we actually a serious squad now, or are we lumbering ourselves with a bunch of players who aren't up to the job? Remember how we spaffed the Bale money? We talk Kulu, selling teenagers to Brighton, why Djed is c...
59
June 30, 2026

Don't Mention The Bomba

The summer window is already driving us insane. We dive head first into the endless Tonali and Mateus Fernandes transfer circus - can't we just buy both and "stop mucking around"? We break down the never-ending Savinho saga, Antonin Kinsky’s brilliant redemption arc as our new number one - or is he? - and Djed Spence’s massive statement of principle at the World Cup. Plus, we unpack Vina's latest corporate waffle, the latest £100m Lewis family injection, and the worrying state of our striking ...
58
June 23, 2026

Steve Perryman Is Here! Captain, Legend.

We're joined by absolute Spurs royalty, a man who doesn’t just know the history of this club—he practically built it. The ultimate captain, a club-record 866 appearances, and a man who lifted two FA Cups and two UEFA Cups in the lilywhite shirt: the one and only Steve Perryman. We sit down with a genuine Spurs icon to look at what true stability and leadership actually look like. And trust us, the contrast couldn't be sharper as we pivot to the circus of the modern game. Incredible insights f...
58
June 16, 2026

Lowball Bids And Shredded Letters

The summer football drought is here - the World Cup being merely an American advertising opportunity - and we're fretting about all things Spurs. Micky van de Ven is playing left-back to accommodate a player we don't even own yet (and might not), we somehow have eleven centre-backs on the books, and Brighton are peppering us with a passive-aggressive bid for Vuskovic. Did the THST letter go straight into Peter Charrington's shredder? Do they speak for us anyway? We banish couch-potato e...
58
June 9, 2026

What The Hecke?

We process the deeply conflicting news that Spurs leg-breaker-in-chief, Andy Robertson, is officially a Lilywhite. He's a nasty piece of work, but he's our nasty piece of work. Simon, Julie, Rob and Kev dive into the absolute chaos of the rumour mill, from the unconfirmed Senesi deal and the mythical Van Hecke "agreed terms," to Gary of Harlow's cognitive dissonance; Gaz, mate, if Harry Kane wants to break the PL goals record, why would he come back to Spurs? Plus, The Pedro Porro Paradox. We ...
57
June 2, 2026

Who Stays, Who Goes, Who Knows?

No boring 'End of Season Review' here. We all suffered that nightmare. Does anyone need reminding? Instead, Simon Lipson, the luxuriantly thatched Julie Welch, and the balding duo of Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw hand out end-of-term grades from absolute shit to mediocre, and map out the impending summer chaos. Inside the Episode: The Squad Audit: Sorting the wheat from the chaff. Is Palhinha off? Will we survive Kolo Muani heading back to PSG? (Spoiler: Fuck, yes). Is Solanke good enough? ...
56
May 26, 2026

Keir Starmer! Alyson Rudd! Piers Morgan! Our Boys Didn't Spurs It Up!

Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Eady Hurley process the sheer, unadulterated ecstasy of Premier League safety. We break down a nerve-shredding afternoon at the Lane, Palhinha’s clutch winner and Kinský’s heroic late save. Inside the Episode: The RDZ Masterclass: How the boss played part-tactician, part-psychologist to save a sinking ship, and why the board must back him or watch him walk. The Spine: Praise for Spence playing with broken jaw, Bentancur, Palhinha, and why Kinský...
55
May 20, 2026

Down To The Wire

We break down the Chelsea fallout and examine what it means for our Premier League survival. How do we solve a problem like Richy and Muani? Will RDZ make changes for Everton? Will Solanke be back? Inside the Episode: The Romero Farce: Why are we celebrating a £250k-a-week captain for simply staying in the building? Plus, why Kevin Danso remains the man for the job. The Loan Churn: We look at the graveyard of our youth academy and ask why only Noni Madueke ever made it out alive. Ro...
54
May 12, 2026

Hero To Zero: Anatomy Of A Brain-Fade

It wasn’t the Villa masterclass but, in the cold light of day, it might yet be the point that saves us. We’re diving into the manic, slightly misdirected energy of the Leeds draw, Antonin Kinsky’s physics-defying heroics, and why our frontline has the cutting edge of a butter knife. Inside the Episode: The Tel Paradox: Scores a worldie then attempts aogic-defying defensive acrobatics. The Snail and the Ghost: Richy and Muani offered as much threat as a pair of toddler’s safety scissors. W...
53
May 5, 2026

Another Win, And Other Miracles!

We’re breaking down a surreal afternoon at Villa Park where Spurs didn't just win, we actually played football. In this episode: The Stand-outs: "Three-Lungs" Gallagher’s relentless engine, VDV’s return to godhood, and the surprising silkiness of the Bentancur-Palhinha pivot. RDZ's "Miracle" Speech: We discuss Roberto’s rallying cry to silence the "negative inner voice", avoiding medical team excuses, and how beating Villa would not be a miracle. Integrity or Insult? Was it a "lame ...
52
April 28, 2026

Scratching The Four Month Itch

We started with 30 minutes of actual football and ended with a casualty ward and a goal so ugly only a mother could love it. But, hell, it's three points! On the Menu: The Injury Curse: Solanke out, Xavi out. Is the medical team to blame (spoiler alert: no), are refs letting opponents turn our boys into mincemeat, or is something else at play? The Muani Hill: RDZ is prepared to die on it, but we’re ready to move to Tel Mountain. We break down the Mathys Tel necessity. Kinsky’s Rede...
51
April 21, 2026

Just When You're Out They Drag You Back In

Spurs looked like a real football team against Brighton, led by a midfield that actually did its job and a Xavi Simons masterclass. But between Pedro Porro’s positional amnesia, the threat of a Flappy return and the ongoing Muani mystery, we’ve still got plenty to moan about. Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw join Simon Lipson to deep-dive the pros and cons of our performance and so much else. We look into our passing problem, why digital wayfinding is just what we needed at this...
50
April 14, 2026

Three Wins From Six? Piece Of Piss*

*Impossible One point from twenty-four, a squad that treats a football like a live wasp, and a new manager already looking crestfallen. We dissect the Sunderland disaster, ponder the Muani prank, revisit Lange’s January negligence and ask why Richy connects with the ball with all the thudding authority of a polite cough in a library. We also dive into the Romero riddle: were those tears for the club, or just the realization that his knee may have sabotaged his World Cup? RDZ has inhe...
49
April 7, 2026

De Zerbi Has Landed - With Excess Baggage

Is Roberto De Zerbi a tactical genius or the world’s most expensive flight risk? This week, we dive into the Italian’s arrival at N17 — bringing high-energy Rondos, a fiery temperament and a salary that laughs in the face of the club's £831m With only seven games to save the season, we ask: will he stay if we go down, or will he flounce out the moment he spots a carton of UHT milk in the canteen? Also in this episode: Financial Fair Play-ish: Digging through the £94.7m loss—where did that...
48
March 31, 2026

The Five Year Plan (Three Months Tops)

With Roberto De Zerbi imminent, we ask the tough questions here on Nice One Cyril: Is he a Poundshop Conte? What about the baggage, the tantrums, the flouncing out? And has he got decent hair? We discuss Ange revisionism and the board's troubling naivity. Plus Room 101 and our brand new and slightly pointless Guess The Ex-Spurs Player game. Loads more besides. Laughs, irreverence, therapy. With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Rob White. COYS THFC
47
March 24, 2026

Forest Fire: Back To Square Minus 257

Just when we thought it was safe... Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Barry Graham talk “nothing” goals, baffling substitutions, Porro’s positioning, Romero’s shuffling and whether Micky has lost a yard. There’s also the small matter of the pre-match hype and whether it served only to heap pressure on the boys and inspire the opposition. With 30 points from 31 games and Igor still searching for a league win, this has to be the end of his tenure. Surely? Room 101, a Churchill i...
46
March 20, 2026

Nice One Cyril: Extra Time 15

Kevin Acott & Simon Lipson discuss: - The Atletico masterclass - Imperious Archie - Tricky Tel, rock-solid Radu, sparkly Simons - Bergvall back and firing - Forest six-pointer Quick therapy for Spurs fans. COYS THFC
45
March 17, 2026

We've Turned A Corner (Pending VAR Check)

Simon Lipson is joined by Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Lee Brown to pick through another very Spursy week. First up: the Atlético Madrid horror show, Kinsky's studless boots, Igor ’s icy touchline snub. Then a look at the gritty draw with Liverpool — signs of life, or just another brief flicker? With a huge game against Nottingham Forest looming, we ask whether Spurs can finally produce two decent performances in a row. Plus: Vinai throws Levy under a fleet of buses, conspiracy theorie...
44
March 10, 2026

Oh, Micky, Not So Fine

Wolves won as many home PL games in a week as we’ve won since April 2025. Where's the next point coming from? Should we embrace relegation? Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and Dave Bradshaw pick through the debris. The Red Card Club: Micky follows Romero into the changing room showers. Is his mind mush? Are the players scared by the scrutiny? Is there a mental health issue? The Great Escape: Solanke to Newcastle, Vic to Italy - anywhere will do - Micky to Barca. Will it be a transf...
43
March 6, 2026

Nice One Cyril: Extra Time 14

Kevin and Simon with their visceral response to the horror show against Palace. Do the players care enough? Are they trying? Igor fitting square pegs into round holes again. Is there a way out? It's straight from the heart. #COYS #THFC #TTID #Spurs
41
March 3, 2026

Have We Reached Peak Nothingness?

This week we attempt to deconstruct 90 minutes of absolute vapidity. From “Flappy” launching a free kick into the Thames to Gallagher’s invisibility cloak and Solanke playing so deep he was almost buried. Host Simon Lipson is joined by f-bomb flinger Julie Welch, eternal optimist-with-a-funeral-face Kevin Acott, and Spurs support group debutant Peter Willis. On the agenda: The match: a study in nothingness. Tel and Richy tried. The rest? Igor Tudor’s “complex problems” ...