Scratching The Four Month Itch

We started with 30 minutes of actual football and ended with a casualty ward and a goal so ugly only a mother could love it. But, hell, it's three points!

On the Menu:

• The Injury Curse: Solanke out, Xavi out. Is the medical team to blame (spoiler alert: no), are refs letting opponents turn our boys into mincemeat, or is something else at play?

  The Muani Hill: RDZ is prepared to die on it, but we’re ready to move to Tel Mountain. We break down the Mathys Tel necessity.

• Kinsky’s Redemption: From the Madrid nightmare to a masterclass of composure and brilliance at Wolves. Is this the end of Flappy?

• Room 101: The Cliche Clearance: We’re burning the footballing lexicon to the ground and ripping half and half scarves in half.

Plus daft tweets, Villa, irreverence, laughs, therapy. It's all here.

With Simon Lipson, Julie Welch, Kev Acott and cat-loving Stephen Pollard.

COYS